Mutant Rambler

I think the title says it all; I’m not talking about people who could do with loosing a little bit of weight, I am talking about full on heffalumps getting off on giving me health advice on a daily basis like they’re a temple of physique and health. I’m pretty sure that being clinically, morbidly, [...]

As people might know, I used to number the lists of things that I made, but I often forgot how long I originally decided to rant for & then looked like an idiot who couldn’t count. So; in no particular order are the top *insert obligatory number here* things that really fuck me off. 1. [...]

I smoke alot, like more than is probably healthy for you. I guess in hindsight not smoking at all would be the healthiest option, but I do & so does my significant other. Why not pick up a shiny pack today and start enjoying the wonders of nicotine; with that smooth smooth extra tar flavor. [...]

However, I quickly failed; because the best song in the world has already been written: My dick cost a late night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick – bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid’s [...]

Oh I dont know. You think of a better post title. So thats what I look like after a month of not posting on my beautiful website, confused and upside down; and before any of you cocks come to tell me otherwise, it is a website. Are you currently on mutantrambler.wordpress.com? No you’re not, or [...]

Big veiny big dick veiny big beiny big big veiny dick dick dick big dick veiny DICK! A little amendment from Keith: This is the facebook conversation me and Luke were having at the time that he decided to make this wonderful post. As you can see, our conversations on facebook are alot more meaningful than the ones we [...]

Ok so I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I’m just a massive hypochondriac, much to the frustrations of my friends and doctor who have to listen to how I think I’m really dying this time. Its only a matter of time before he just sends me home with Prozac… Or placebos at [...]

Let me sum this post up with one word. Gravity. The beautiful force that keeps us and all other useful objects in our daily lives attached to the floor; however, the people who are designing and installing electric water heating systems seem to have forgotten this wonderful principle. A few years ago we had our [...]

As you can tell from the above factual* statistics; the absence of Mutant Rambler is causing havoc on children everywhere. I will not sit by idly whilst this continues. We are now back online after a small technical oversight (drinking) and a brand new article will be online tomorrow morning. Now please. Stop beating your [...]

But for once I am happy. I dont have anything to complain about. I am awake at 5 o clock in the morning, with no job to go to tomorrow. Talking to a beautiful, totally fucking amazing woman and mixing some of my own music, that I haven’t done for about 7 months. It feels [...]